So, what if you’ve been together for a while, then I recommend using the “3 I’s” to gauge your situation. It’s something we use to determine the value of anything that’s worth our precious time and resource. It works in any business and work environment, as well as our relationships. The first “I” stands for Issue. What’s the issue or underlying problem? Is your partner closed off on all discussions and topics you deemed important enough to bring up? For example, let’s say you want to talk about your future together, are they interested in hearing your views? What about providing their thoughts or feedback? Do their views match and support your goals in the relationship? Are they willing to discuss it at all? If you answered “no” to any of the questions, it’s potential sign that they may not be interested taking it further. The second “I” is for Impact. What would the impact of a toxic relationship mean in your life?? if you make the decision on your own to solve the potential lack of support or trying to force a response from the other person, what is the impact to your character, your self-respect, or the way you view things in life. Again, be honest and trust your gut for the answers. The last “I” is for Importance. What does the importance of this relationship mean for you happiness? What is the importance to feel appreciated and connected? to have a partner that supports you, and values your time and everything that makes you who you are.
After you’ve had a chance to think through those questions, have a heart to heart with yourself by asking If you believe that person (your partner) is just having an off day, week, month etc, and this will come to pass, then that’s great! Then our recommendation from here is to communicate your feelings. Try not to hold anything in. If you’re feeling separated, express that to your partner. Be specific and use examples of times you’ve felt so. This way they can learn to understand your pain and frustrations. It may be possible that they just didn’t know it. Those that are closed up, may have issues that prevents them from opening up to you. There’s a really good psychology study done on our ability to attach to others that starts back in our early childhood known as “Attachment Theory.” I’ve attached the link here for reference.
If you’re going to communicate with your partner, remember to exercise common courtesy. If you’re both mad, it’s best to let the heat of the argument chill a bit. It’s harder to communicate if you’re both yelling and frustrated.
On the other hand, it’s also important to never settle for anything less than what you deserve. All the reasons you’re telling yourself about wanting to change your partner out of that phase, or hoping that they’re attitude will pass may seem logical. However, it may also be excuses to justify your feeling to hold on to someone that may not have the emotional intelligence needed to keep you engaged and fulfilled. Contrary to what others may say in the internet, relationship should not be rocket science. While the saying “nobody’s perfect” may sound like a good reason to continue to try to make a difficult relationship work, there are times when you just need to accept that like some used cars, a relationship can be a lemon, and you need to accept its reality, cut your losses and try again.