Moving forward from after abusive relationship

woman wearing gray long sleeved shirt and black black bottoms outfit sitting on gray wooden picnic table facing towards calm body of water at daytime
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If you’ve recently escaped that horrible chapter in your life, congratulations! You’ve done what many are still struggling with and it’s commendable, and brave. While others may say that you’re free, so go and find someone better etc. you may not be ready to move on just yet. Crazy right?  After all that you’ve been through, why would you think for even a moment about it. We’ll it’s because we’re human, we’re emotional beings with the ability to apply logic to our actions. Leaving a relationship, especially if you’ve really invested your time and energy to make it work, can feel like one of the hardest things to recover from. Because of our feelings towards that person, sometimes the emotional and mental effects from experiencing abuse can linger on. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, those that are recovering from an abusive relationship may experience any combination of feelings such as:

  • Depression
  • Guilt
  • Anger
  • PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Anxiety
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Easily frightened or scared
  • Difficulty engaging in future relationships
  • Feeling emotionally numb towards others

While it’s not as simple, the first step toward recovering from any type of traumatic experience is by reconnecting your sense of safety and security. This begins by establishing stability in your life. It’s true that the concept of stability varies for different people, and it really starts by setting a daily routine such as going from home to a steady job towards gaining your independence back.

Next, allow yourself the chance to grieve. It’s within your right to feel sad or angry for a while. Create outlets that gives you an opportunity to do so. Activities such as writing, painting, exercising, meditation, and dance are a few good examples. By letting it out through positive outlets can also act as a way to give you back the power to own your life again.

Last but certainly not least, reconnect with a support group that understands you and what you’ve been through. Maybe that’s friends or family, and maybe it’s other’s that helped you in your journey. It’s fair to say that It can be pretty difficult to remember what life was like before an abusive relationship. In addition, you may feel emotionally disconnected for a while, and it may be a challenge to trust people again. Take it one step at a time. Talk to those that gave you comfort and strength. The world is filled with wonderful people that do care for one another.

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12 common phrases that a victim in an abusive relationship may say to themselves to stay

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If your reading this article, chances are you’ve probably wondered one of two things. 1, who would in their right state of mind want to stay in an abusive relationship. Or 2, you either have been, currently are or know of someone who’s dealing with this problem. According to CDC, on average 20 people suffer every minute from physical abuse from their significant other. Through their study of 571 people in relationships, men suffer as much as women when dealing with emotional abuse from their partner. This means that each year, over 10 million Americans are victims to psychological and physical abuse from people that they believe should love and trust the most. Intimate partner abuse is a complex issue that definitely goes beyond the boundaries of age, race, and gender and can go unrecognized or unreported for many years or longer. Below is a list of statements that those in an abusive relationship may say to themselves:

  1. I have a child with this person, I don’t have the choice to leave.
  2. No one will love me after this.
  3. No one else will take care of me like they do
  4. My child has grown attached to this person
  5. It’s my first real/serious relationship
  6. They’ve helped me financially and I owe it that person to stay
  7. I thought I can turn things around
  8. I still love that person regardless
  9. I’m doing it for our child/children
  10. I want to be loved, and the abuse only happened once
  11. It’s because it’s my fault
  12. I saw my parents go through the same thing, so I thought it was ok

Studies show that repeated themes of abused victims involved financial concerns, parental responsibilities, marriage obligation or still be in love with their abuser. As mentioned in our prior article are you in an abusive relationship, it’s difficult to assess the damage when you’re knee deep in the trenches. Sometimes the best thing that can be done is to assess your situation first before acting out in a way that may put you in harm’s way.

Moving forward from after abusive relationship